


Everything and Nothing

by junko



Series: Curse of the Nue [36]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-09-28
Packaged: 2017-11-15 05:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zabimaru devours Renji, while grief eats away at Byakuya....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything and Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> It's surprisingly difficult to find out information about nue/nue demons on the Internet. I did learn that nues are sometimes associated with storms (hence our boy's fondness for lightning strikes, perhaps?) and that they can turn into black clouds. Also, the nue supposedly has the voice of a bird called a "White's lark" -- apparently the word in Japanese nuye (White's lark) has become conflated with the term nue (the demon) to the point that there is a superstition that if you hear the song of White's lark misfortune might befall you (as would if you were visited by a nue.)

Urahara’s ‘sun’ apparently played favorites, because Renji was still exhausted when he woke to blazingly bright light. He rolled over to nuzzle his face deeper into Zabimaru’s fur, but was stopped by the demon’s deep bass growl. “Get up,” it said.

“Five more minutes,” Renji grumbled.

The nue said nothing. Instead, Zabimaru shook himself out. Standing up, he caused Renji to tumble unceremoniously onto the hard-packed ground. 

“Oi! What’d you do that for?” Renji said, dusting off his hakama. “If you’re in such a damn hurry, you could have just eaten me in my sleep, you know. It might have been easier.”

The nue turned away from him and sat down heavily on its haunches. The muscles of its white-fur back rippled in irritation. The tail flicked from side-to-side angrily. Its yellow-white scales glittering in the sunlight like diamonds. The snake flicked out its tongue, as if tasting the air, “What are you scared of?”

Renji sat on his butt, continuing to brush himself off. He squinted at the snake’s dark, lidless eyes. His first impulse was to mutter a sullen ‘nothing,’ but this was Zabimaru. He couldn’t lie to himself--not really. So, instead, he thought about it. After a moment, Renji offered, “Losing.”

The snake wove through the air hypnotically, as though waiting further explanation.

Renji hugged his knees. “I’m scared that I’m too weak for this fight.”

The baboon turned its head finally. Its intelligent eyes pinned Renji under its intense glare. “You might be,” it said. “Are you afraid to die for what you believe in?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always fought against dying,” Renji said. Inuzuri had been a constant struggle against death. Renji had watched far too many people be taken by hunger, thirst, disease, and hopelessness to ever consider give up willingly. “It’s kind of instinct to fight for life, don’t you think?”

“Is that all you fight for?” the snake hissed. The nue shook out its fur in another irritated ripple, and the snake tail settled onto the ground. It made side-winding patterns in the dust and sand. Before Renji could formulate a response, the baboon asked, “You would have killed for him. Would you die for her?”

Renji looked up sharply at that, but there was no hesitation when he said, “I would.”

In that moment, Zabimaru seemed to collapse into himself. He became a black nue-shaped mist. Then the cloud spread out and surrounded Renji completely. It blotted out the sun until everything was darkness. Suddenly, in the complete blackness, Renji heard a bird’s song ring out loud and clear—the strange singular tone of a White’s thrush. It sounded like a ping, or a clear note of a flute.

Then, the universe opened up and swallowed him whole.

#

Byakuya waited at the Senaikyû Shishinrô. He stood on the top of a column in the courtyard, and stared at the execution grounds. The sun was beginning to set, illuminating pink and purple streaks of clouds on the horizon. A strong wind tugged at his hair and the scarf, but Byakuya ignored it. He focused instead on extending his senses, teasing out any hint of Renji’s reistsu. 

But, instead of Renji, what Byakuya found was another’s spiritual pressure casting out hopefully.

_Rukia._

Their reistsu met tentatively, like hands brushing against each other in the darkness. Byakuya’s first impulse was to pull away from her desperate needfulness, but, instead, he allowed her to cling to his spiritual pressure. He closed his eyes, and remembered another time he stood sentry like this, waiting patiently for death. 

A hand to hold.

It was nothing; it was everything.

It was the only gift he could give either of them, so Byakuya let Rukia hold on to his reistsu for as long as she needed. 

#

If dying was like this, Renji thought he could bear it. 

The sensation wasn’t exactly like falling. It was more like rushing down a swift river, over rapids, in the dark. Renji felt like he should be holding on to something, but there was nothing to grasp. His stomach kept dropping out from under him occasionally as he continued his downward progression. Renji still couldn’t see anything, and the blindness was disconcerting. He kept trying to open his eyes, only to realize they already were. But, he was surrounded by something warm and, for once, there was nothing to fight. All he could do was trust Zabimaru, and let him take them wherever they needed to go.

Renji could be patient because he knew now that even in death he’d never truly be alone. Zabimaru was always part of him. No matter where he went or what happened, no one could ever separate them.

As he continued to rush to nowhere, Renji became more determined than ever to return Sode no Shirayuki to Rukia. It was the gift she’d given him, after all. Rukia insisted they go to Academy; Academy had reunited Renji with Zabimaru. 

He owed her his life.

He owed Rukia his soul.

She was more than his best friend. Rukia was the family they’d made for themselves in the middle of hell. She’d saved him from so much, and he’d happily give his life, if that’s what it took to repay her.

#

Rukia had fallen asleep cradled in Byakuya’s reistsu sometime after midnight. When he returned to the estate, Eishirō met him at the door with a hot bowl of tea. “Are you cold, my lord?”

Cold like stone, though not from the weather. “Are we prepared for tomorrow?”

Eishirō seemed momentarily taken aback by Byakuya’s abrupt question, but he quickly composed himself and bowed deeply. “As well as we can be, sir.”

“I don’t even know what we will be allowed of her,” Byakuya said. “Will the Sōkyoku consume her so completely that there won’t even be ashes to collect?”

The house steward looked up from his bow. His eyes were wide.

“And what am I to do? Stoop there on the execution ground and try to bring something of her home with me?” Byakuya covered his face with his hand for a long moment. Then, he let his arm fall and he straightened. “Wind and fate will bear her pall. It will be enough.”

#

When Renji came to, he was standing face-to-face to the giant, skeletal snake’s head from his dreams. It roared at him, a piercing, alien shriek. 

Renji smiled, checking out the bony hilt in his hand, “Seriously? That’s all I had to do?”

 _No_ , came a voice deep inside him. _You must become the baboon king._

He started to ask how he was supposed to do that, but Renji already knew the answer. Let go. Let all of his reistsu, all his rage, all of his demons… out. No more holding anything back. No more letting anyone keep him down.

No one.

Not even himself.

A humongous explosion rocked the underground cavern.

#

 _Tomorrow_ , Byakuya thought as he lay down in bed, _I will bury my sister and kill my lover._

Rukia, at least, Byakuya would be expected to mourn. 

Renji’s body would have to lie where it fell. Who would ever allow Byakuya to bring his lieutenant home to lie in state, to be buried among the honored Kuchiki dead? If Byakuya dared to attend a wake, Renji’s friends would only see his killer. Byakuya would be more than alone this time; he’d be shunned.

Byakuya rolled over, and shut his eyes. 

So be it.

Duty and honor required Byakuya to walk this path. He would do what was necessary without hesitation or regret.

#

“Fancy outfit,” Yoruichi’s voice called out mockingly, from where she crouched on an outcropping of stone. “You rock the fur stole, pup!”

Renji had been practicing with Hihiō Zabimaru, trying to anticipate the moves he might need before he left the safety of the underground caverns. He stopped to give her a stern look. “Shouldn’t you be harassing Ichigo?”

“He’s singularly focused. He hardly needs me to cluck over him like a mother hen.” She gave Renji a bright smile, as she hoped down agilely. “You, however, look like you could use some help.”

Still holding on to the end of Hihiō Zabimaru, Renji crossed his arms in front of his chest. “How do you figure that? I’ve got bankai now.”

“And it’s slow as molasses,” she said. Coming to stand in front of him, she wagged a finger in his face, “How do you expect to fight Byakuya’s speed with that clunky thing?”

Renji’s arms unwound slowly. “Uh…with surprise?”

Yoruichi’s mouth hung open for a second, but then her frown melted into a smile. “Okay, yes, you’ll probably surprise the crap out of our Byakuya-boy with that big, furry monster of yours. But, that’s only going to work once.”

“I was kind of banking on the idea I’d only need the one shot,” Renji admitted, with an embarrassed scratch behind his ear. 

Yoruichi rolled her eyes and sighed. “You’re going to die.”

Renji frowned down at her. “You know, you keep saying that. It’s wrecking my confidence.”

“Good,” she admonished. “Byakuya is a formidable opponent. You should never underestimate him.”

“Believe me, lady, I don’t,” Renji said firmly. “If anything, it’s the other way around.” 

She was looking at him with an intense sort of seriousness, searching his eyes, as if looking for something. “Do you love him?”

The question surprised Renji. He had to take a moment to respond. Nearby, Zabimaru’s skeletal snake’s head slashed back and forth, as if curious as well, “Uh. Well, I… used to. Desperately. And, you know, I’ve never stopped admiring him; I never stopped wanting to love him. Or waiting for him to love me back.”

“I see,” Yoruichi’s lips and eyes were thin. “Will you be able to strike to kill?”

Zabimaru roared.

Renji nodded as though in agreement. “Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not fighting to kill Byakuya. I’m fighting to save Rukia. If Byakuya gets in my way—if anyone gets in my way--I’ll take them down. This isn’t about him anymore. It’s about her. I promised myself I’d do my best to save her, and I will.”

Yoruichi squinted up into Renji’s face for a long time. Then, slowly, she nodded. “Okay, good,” Yoruichi said. “Then let me teach you some things about Byakuya’s flash-step and Senbonzakura. That boy has a lot of habits that he’s been too lazy to break without me to push him.”

#

The morning came too soon. Byakuya stared at the empty side of the bed where Renji should be. With a sigh, he got up. Byakuya dressed and slid Senbonzakura into place at his side. He pretended to eat breakfast, and then spent the rest of the morning trying to find the words to apologize to Hisana. But, it was not his fault that fate was a cruel and exacting master. Still, he knew she expected him to be a better man. She would tell him to rise above destiny.

And, were she still at his side, perhaps he’d have the strength to do it.

Eishirō’s regretful voice at the door, informed him: “It’s time.”


End file.
